I recently received an email from a woman who was having an emotional affair. She now signs of an emotional affair herself in a confusing web of mixed feelings, and she knew this new relationship now threatened to sabotage her marriage.
She was frustrated to find herself in a position she never thought she’d be in. She’d been deceiving her husband and mentally planning out a new life with this other man. How did I let it go this far? Even though she never crossed the line sexually, her situation is messy and will undoubtedly cause pain, but healing is possible. Still, these situations are much easier to prevent than they are to heal after the fact.
7 simple ways to tell if you’re having some level of an emotional affair. If you can see yourself in any of these, take immediate action to create healthy boundaries and restore healing and trust in your marriage. You’re having conversations you wouldn’t want your spouse to see. A healthy marriage requires complete trust and transparency.
You’re dressing to impress a specific individual other than your spouse. When we’re trying to be visually attractive for an individual other than our spouse, we’re opening a very dangerous door. Wanting to be professional and look your best is one thing, but wanting to look your best for one specific person is something else entirely. You try to create opportunities to be alone with someone other than your spouse.
You delete text messages or emails from someone, because you don’t want your spouse to see them. If you’re ever hiding messages, texts or calls, then you’ve crossed an obvious line and you’re having an emotional affair. Affairs don’t start in the bedroom, they always start in the mind! If you allow your mind to play out fantasies, you’re giving a piece of your heart to the object of that fantasy and you’re opening the door for the fantasy to become a reality. You’re constantly comparing your spouse to this other individual. When you become emotionally involved with someone, the mental tendency is to see this new person as nearly flawless and, by comparison, your spouse’s flaws become much more obvious. If you’re more critical of your spouse while mentally comparing them to this other person, you’re falling into a toxic trap.
You’re planning a new life together with this other person. Once you start planning and romanticizing a new life with this other person, you’re in a very dangerous place. I urge you to rethink what you’re doing and confess to your spouse. Please share this post on social media using the links below, so we can help couples build stronger marriages. Also, send me the Family Newsletter and special offers. Well, this wasn’t where I was expecting to be today.
He had no training, no experience. Emotions are powerful, and to children, emotions can seem to be all-powerful. Come on, Ref, are you kidding me? Tap here to turn on desktop notifications to get the news sent straight to you. It’s not like there’s anything going on.
You just get each other — in fact you help each other understand your own spouses better! If you’ve found yourself saying any of these things to yourself or anyone else, especially if they’re frequently repeated, you may be smack dab in the middle of an emotional affair. Maybe you’re not fully into infidelity land yet, but if you don’t put a kibosh on it, that may be where you’re headed. Then again, there are plenty of healthy friendships between members of the opposite sex, so how do you know when you’ve crossed the line from friendship into an emotional affair? Here are 10 signs your friendship is or is about to become an emotional affair. He is the first thing you think about when you wake up. And the last thing you think about before you fall asleep.
And pretty much all the times in between. If he’s dominating your thoughts, you’re crushing — plain and simple. He’s the first one you want to share good news with. 20 in the pocket of last winter’s coat, and the first person you want to share it with is him. You’re thinking about him all the time anyway. You text him a lot. You blow off others for him.