Think you got what it takes to write for Online dating messages that get responses. Please type the following code. Hey, why can’t I vote on comments? Cracked only offers comment voting to subscribing members.
Subscribers also have access to loads of hidden content. If we’ve ever made you laugh or think, we now have a way where you can thank and support us! As a child of the Internet and confirmed weirdo, imagine my relief when they finally took that last bastion of in-person awkwardness — dating — to my laptop instead. I got the feeling that a lot of men on that site would message literally any woman who had a profile, but the optimist in me wanted to believe that there was a limit. Maybe there was a woman so awful, so toxic, so irredeemably unlikeable that no one would message her, or if they did, at least they would realize they never, ever wanted to meet her.
I did not accomplish my goal. In making this profile, I made sure my creation touched on every major facet of being truly horrible: mean, spoiled, lazy, racist, manipulative, and willfully ignorant, and I threw in a little gold digging just for funzies. I maintain that there is not a human on this planet who would read this profile and think, “Yes, I’d like to spend any amount of the fleeting time I’m given on my journey around the sun getting to know this person. Facebook photos for this profile. Only that last bit is relevant here, I guess. I figured any profile with photos of a beautiful woman would get a few messages from men whose boners were willing to overlook her personality.