Farmers dating
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Please forward this error screen to 37. So what happens when a city girl tries to meet a nice country boy on the “Farmers Only” online farmers dating site?

Awkwardness and hilarity, of course! Read this Farmers Only review for a behind the scenes look. In case you haven’t heard, there’s an online dating site called Farmers Only, which boasts the tagline, “City folks just don’t get it! If you ‘like’ us, we’ll LOVE you!

City folks just don’t get it! By the way, that tagline’s totally not fair to say because plenty of city folks like me were once country bumpkins themselves. And by “it” I mean a farmer’s appeal. I thought it sounded hilarious, sure, but I was also intrigued. One of the many types of men I have always thought would make a great match for me is a nice southern boy, the kind who looks hot in a plaid shirt, plays guitar, and loves his mama more than sweet tea. I can see him now, dirty blond hair gleaming in the sunshine, out in a field chewing on a piece of wheat.

Why is he chewing wheat? I don’t even need bread. It’s a meal and a toothpick all in one. For a site that thinks city folks “don’t get it,” there sure were a lot of farmers nearby, and I’m not talking about Brooklyn hipsters with rooftop bees.

I mean thanks for saving the Earth and everything, though. 20 honey is delicious, I’m sure. These were legit hard-working blue collar guys who like ridin’ four wheelers and fixin’ busted cars. Of course they all like huntin’ and fishin’, and though I’m not a fan of guns, or NASCAR, or sports of any kind really, I am a fan of guys who aren’t pretentious. And these dudes definitely were not.

Another guy said he was looking for his “forever girl. These men described themselves as seeking a person with good character and strong moral values. After combing through other sites looking at profile after profile of city slickers who so often seem dubious, the level of upfront vulnerability on Farmers Only was a totally refreshing change. When I got to the second page of eligible farmers near me, I noticed a guy who was from the south with a fantastic blond mullet.

I’m typically not interested in guys who are business in the front, party in the back, but he looked like a country singer with a super handsome face and a lumberjack-level beard. I had to click his profile. In his “About Me” section, he stated, “I’m the type of a man that wants to know you before dating you. And what kind of woman do I want to spend my time with? One who knows what she wants and who has the confidence to go about it in a moderate way.

You had me at “I want to know you. Then to top that off with, “the confidence to go about it in a moderate way? That is the most reasoned, rational thing I’ve ever heard anyone say. You mean you’re not looking for a super attractive, totally fit, high-intensity go-getter who wants to run her own company, volunteer, and be home in time to put the kids to bed, all while wearing tasteful, yet sophisticated heels?

You’re saying I can be the kind of woman who approaches my goals in a way that actually makes sense? Let’s be moderate all damn day. Make me feel like I’m home. I clicked into the third page of matches, and since I’d sorted the men by age, youngest to oldest, I found that the guys on page three were a little too old for me, but no less sweet than the others. I saw words like “honest” and “easy-going. Farmers really like to describe themselves as gentlemen, it seems, and though I’m not entirely sure what that means in this day and age, I felt like all of these guys were safe.