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Our sexpert Tracey Cox explains why so many people are haunted by their past relationships as new research shows that 40 per cent of women believe their elitesingles discount still loves them. Do you have sex or relationship queries?

Some lovers we’ve forgotten about the second we say goodbye. With new research by elitesingles. 40 per cent of women believe their ex still loves them and 33 per cent think their new partner is still in love with their ex, ex-obsession is an issue that affects a high proportion of relationships. In all sorts of ways. Thirty per cent of the women surveyed said they compared their sex life now to experiences shared with an ex and 21 per cent admitted to using Facebook to check up on former partners. So, why are so many of us looking back not forward?

No one thinks about exes you couldn’t have cared less about, it’s significant exes that we cyber-spy on, relive the past and ponder what might have been. The more painful the split for you, the more likely you are to think about the person. Just say what’s on your mind. 20 vision and it’s often not until someone’s gone, that you realise how special they really were.

It sounds romantic to believe everyone has just one soul mate but it’s one of the most dangerous beliefs about love out there. The unromantic but infinitely better reality is that lots of people can make us happy, not just one person. The One’ has run off with someone else, is unhelpful and, quite frankly, ridiculous. You gave up on the tooth fairy, now it’s time to drop this myth. If you weren’t emotionally prepared for the split with your ex, you’re much more likely to get stuck.

When relationships fizzle out slowly, people have time to cope with the idea of being alone. It’s when one person’s blissfully in love and the other’s planning their getaway that there are problems. Trust is shattered, you doubt your judgement and analyse what went wrong for months, even years after the split. If you’re fixated on a particular ex, it’s rarely purely about them. Some couples bring out the worst in each other, other personality combinations do work exceptionally well together, making both of you shine. It’s extraordinary how fast we move on from even much-loved exes when you dangle someone new, interesting and interested in front of us.

No one chooses to stay in that miserable, lonely, can-hardly-breathe-for-missing-them stage after a split and by far the most pleasant way to move forward is to meet someone else who is equally as fabulous as they were. Nothing, but nothing, hurts as much as losing your first true love. Everyone thinks their first love is going to last forever because you simply can’t imagine ever not loving each other. When it ends and the person is wrenched away from you, you have no experience of getting over the pain, so imagine you never will. Once our hearts have been broken and stuck back together again a few times, you realise you will survive.

But even if you’ve had many relationships since that first, traumatic break up, it remains in a category all of its own. Id”:”3719662950001″,”descr”:”Sexpert Tracey Cox talks all about sex and relationships and how to keep your sex life interesting. A lot of people have much better sex with an ex than they do the person they choose to settle with long-term. STILL PINING FOR AN OLD LOVE?