Narcissists could try to sneakily control you. early dating 0 0 0 .
2 0 0 0 . 1 0 0 0 0zM16. 5 0 10 0s10 4. A vertical stack of three evenly spaced horizontal lines. Go to the search page. Following is a transcript of the video. I’m a clinical psychologist, author, and lecturer for Harvard Medical School.
All narcissists hate depending on others in mutually caring and emotional ways. When they’re feeling sad, scared, lonely — any of those vulnerable feelings, they go out of their way to avoid acknowledging it, recognizing it, being open about it. And that leads happily to some very clear predictable strategies that we can see when we’re dating somebody early on. One of the most common is something I call playing “emotional Hot Potato. I’m feeling unsure of myself. I don’t really know what I’m doing. So, a classic example is — I had a client who was applying for graduate school.
Her boyfriend had no clue what he was going to do with the rest of his life. He really hadn’t had the faintest idea. But rather than talk to her about that, he would stand over her shoulders, and he would say “Are you sure you want to apply to that place? That seems a little bit out of your league. In this way he would sure up his own sense of certainty about what he knows about the world by undermining her feelings that she knew what she was doing. That is a classic example of playing emotional Hot Potato.
Another really common one that isn’t so obvious is something I call “stealth control. This can be a lot of fun and can be very sneaky. You’re dating him, and he keeps showing up at the last minute with concert tickets or sweeping you off your feet to go someplace — a restaurant that you’ve never been to before. All that’s wonderful and fabulous. But every time you decide you want to go try some new place, or you make plans, he cancels at last minute, or it’s too far, or he’s too tired, or a million excuses. And before you realize it, everything that you’re doing — as much fun as it is is really what he wants.