Please forward this error screen to 199. Either way, understanding the origins of the disorder doesn’t make having a relationship with a narcissist any more fun — and I should know. So if any of these 15 signs that you’re dating a narcissist do pop up, please proceed with dating a narcissist woman caution — and remember, from someone who’s been there, that famous charm may turn on you. Check out Bustle’s ‘Save The Date’ and other videos on Facebook and the Bustle app across Apple TV, Roku, and Amazon Fire TV.
They love being the exception to the rule. Narcissists believe that they are literally above the law in every way. Because, after all, why should the rules apply to them? They don’t care much about your feelings. This is the really terrible bit about narcissists, and one I learned to my cost — they literally cannot care about your feelings.
They have a major problem with authority. Either way, dominance over a narcissist? They completely dominate conversations, even when they’re about you. A narcissist’s conversation is always, subtly, a way to feed their ego.
You’re a trophy, which can be very nice for your self-esteem, but pales after a while. They are intensely charming and confident. Dating a narcissist is basically a series of endless conversations where you express an opinion and they immediately jump on it. Particularly if they believe they’re intellectually superior, they get a kick out of dismantling your thoughts and showing off how smart they are.
It’s annoying, to say the least. They started out devoted, but have quickly become disinterested. My ex once told me, “Of all the people I’ve ever taken classes with, yours is the only intellect I’ve ever respected. A truly spectacular compliment — and one I was bound, eventually, to fail to live up to. The source of that first charm assault? They think you might be perfect just like them, and want to impress you — but as it becomes clear you aren’t, they become less and less interested. Their reputation means everything to them.
When my ex was caught cheating on me and I told a few friends, the ex texted immediately — not to apologize, but to command that I stop spreading the news so as not to ruin their reputation. That’s a pretty standard narcissist reaction. They think your emotions are a sign of weakness. You feel like a character in their sweeping life drama. Narcissists are always the heroes and heroines in their own life stories. They have no respect for your boundaries. 1 — but double it when it comes to you.
Sometimes that’s OK, as it means they encourage you to do things you’ve never done before — but other times, it means your own personality and preferences get squashed. I got sick, and have never touched it since. They require constant control over you. A narcissist out of control of a situation? To a narcissist’s mind, it’s impossible to have met them and not formed a strong opinion about them — generally adoration. If they see that somebody dislikes them, things get nasty, and they proceed to “punish” the person and dismiss their opinion.
They have a history of infidelity and bad breakups. This is a classic red flag. Faithfulness for a narcissist is a tricky thing: why would they give up on the affirmation of another person’s approval just because of your feelings? They collect friends who idolize them.
A narcissist often has their “pack. Friends are there to serve a purpose, whether it’s getting the narcissist ahead, or providing positive feedback. A friend that challenges them might be initially seen as a good equal, but if they go too far, they’re ostracised and bad-mouthed. Want more of Bustle’s Sex and Relationships coverage? Are you an older man dipping his toe into younger and less-seasoned waters? If so, read on to sail smoother seas and avoid relationship shipwreck.